Ask yourself this question… Do you like yourself? Do you love yourself? I mean really really love yourself. Do you?
Of course, I am not talking in a selfish, self-centered, conceded, dis-respectful of others, the world owes me kind of way. That is not love. That is arrogance and feeds into the ugliness of the world.
Clients often become nervous when I talk to them about their focus, attention, and love towards themselves. We have been taught to not come across as conceded and self-focused and to always put other people first, even at our own expense and if we don’t we are being like the people mentioned at the beginning of this blog. Nobody enjoys those people; let alone to be considered being one of them!
But how about this… When I am ignoring myself and not focusing on my own needs and relationship with self and put everyone else first something begins to happen. I run out of energy more easily. I then feel drained and resentful. I feel the life being sucked out of me and I want to go and hide under the covers. Doesn’t sound very appealing, does it?
How about this… I, as much as I can I focus first and foremost on myself and what is happening in my body and on my needs and emotions. The first and primary relationship I have is myself. So what begins to happen is that I am meeting my own needs. I am listening to myself and taking care of myself firstly in order to have tons of energy when I am with others. I show up more authentically and do things only when my being tells me we really can. There is a sense of being real and honest and transparent with others that feels safe for everyone all around. My mood is better and more upbeat. This is self-love and turns into quality other real love.
Loving ourselves and putting ourselves first is what I call a selfless act. The benefits just mentioned are a case in point. To show up with all of me authentically and honestly is the best gift I can give myself and others.
Reflect back to the last time you did something for someone but did not really want to. How did it feel? Not so good, I bet and there may have been a number of unforeseen negative consequences. Now think about a time you did something for someone because you really wanted to and had the energy and resources to do so. Much better outcome…
So, as you can see try more consciously listening to yourself as an act of love and as for a better way to be the real you with those around you and whom you love.
Sheri, owner of Sheri Phillips-Snaychuk Counselling Services in Vancouver, BC has been helping people in the field for over ten years working in a multitude of capacities from individual counselling, research, assessment, and foster care support. Her passion, experience, and expertise focuses mainly around trauma, suicide, and depression, however, she has helped people with other or similar issues.
Sheri deeply believes, and is committed to, the healing ability of people and that people can overcome great pain and suffering through one’s own strength and through dedication in relations with other people and within the therapeutic relationship.
She is highly regarded for her compassion, care, curiosity, non-judgmental stance, insight, dedication, and patience among her clients.
Sheri's goal is to help clients to reconnect with themselves and to come to a deeper understanding and way of being in the world. Pain and suffering can be transformed by developing a different way of being with one’s self that is nurturing and caring.