What are you shoving down and not wanting to look at? Do you feel like you are missing out on something and you just do not know what? Or are you so numbed out that you are just going through the motions?
Some people are so disappointed by real life that they are escaping into virtual experiences instead of having real experiences. Like getting addicted to a TV series and grieving the story and the characters when it ends.
Virginia Satir identified that we will blame, placate, compute or distract instead of levelling about what is really going on. By doing this we hurt ours elves and those around us even more. We can become so good at these ego protecting coping stances that we don’t even realize we are doing them.
Heather McFall illustrates this beautifully. If there was a hole in the boat and it was starting to sink, here’s how it would go:
Blamer: "Who put the hole in that boat?"
Placater: "I’ll swim to shore so the boat won’t sink so fast."
Computer: "The boat is sinking at 3 cubic feet per minute, so at this rate it will sink in 19.3 minutes."
Distracter: "Look, a bird!”
If you are caught by these coping stances, no wonder you are not reaching your goal. You are making yourself into a victim instead of doing what works. It’s like a magic trick.
So next time you:
Blamer: Couldn’t help yourself, the Tim Bits in the conference room were calling your name.
Placater: Are running around saving others and collapse in a heap at the end of the day.
Computer: Extensively research the best exercise equipment and end up using it as a clothes drying rack.
Distractor: Claim your life is too busy to stop lighting sticks on fire and sticking them in your mouth.
Robbie Spier Miller, the Director of the Burlington Hypnosis Centre and Hypnosis Training Canada is part of an international network of leading hypnotists using systems that have helped tens of thousands of people lose weight, stop smoking and change other habits with hypnosis.
She is a Certified Hypnotist and Certified Instructor with the National Guild of Hypnotists (NGH), a Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) and NLP Trainer with NFNLP, and a Life Coach. In addition, she is certified as a Smoking Cessation Specialist by the International Hypnosis Federation (IHF). She is also a certified member of the International Medical & Dental Hypnotherapy Association (IMDHA).
Robbie is on the Master Hypnotist Society Canada, providing world class hypnosis and hypnotherapy training for personal and professional development. www.burlingtonhypnosis.ca