20 Ways to affair proof your relationship

By: Susan Blackburn, MA, Jul 24, 2014
  Question

How can I prevent affairs in my relationship?

Tips to keep your marriage strong.

Give yourself the best chance at preventing infidelity by being clear on what you need from your partner in order to feel secure in your relationship. Remember to honour what’s right for you since your relationship needs might be different from the needs of others.

Once you’ve established what your relationship needs are for security, communicate these to your significant other. Examples might be “I’m not okay with my partner going outside of our relationship to get his or her needs for attention and affection met” or “I’m not okay with my partner spending time with someone that has a romantic interest in him or her“. Make sure you’re both on the same page in terms of what is and isn’t cheating. Informing your mate about what’s right for you is a form of boundary setting.

It’s not enough to simply make your needs known.  You must be willing to re-evaluate your relationship and take action if your partner is unable or unwilling to respect what makes you happy.

In order to avoid mistrust consider not doing anything that you would feel uncomfortable doing in your partner’s presence. A betrayal isn’t simply engaging in sexual intimacy with someone outside of your relationship, although that would definitely be a betrayal for most. It can also include confiding intimate details about yourself and your relationship to someone else, choosing to spend quality time with a person that makes your partner feel insecure and excluding your mate from important events in your life.

I’ve come up with the following 20 Guidelines to Affair Proof Your Relationship to help you sustain a strong and happy connection with your partner:

  1. Have regular date nights
  2. Make time for sex
  3. Flirt with your partner
  4. Frequently go to bed at the same time
  5. Keep your life interesting and new
  6. Laugh and have fun together
  7. Be affectionate
  8. Call at regular intervals to check in
  9. Develop meaningful traditions
  10. Be happy as an individual
  11. Remain attentive and connected
  12. Put 100% in to your relationship
  13. Don’t let resentment build
  14. Make your partner feel important
  15. Be appreciative
  16. Focus on the good in your relationship
  17. View your partner as your equal
  18. Boost your partner’s confidence
  19. Let your partner know what you need
  20. Be emotionally honest with each other

It helps to remember that you can’t control your partner but you can significantly influence the level of security and happiness in your relationship and create the best possible environment for its long-term success.

Susan Blackburn, M.A. is an Individual, Couples and Family Counsellor.

She is a member of the Ontario Association of Consultants, Counsellors, Psychometrists and Psychotherapists (OACCPP) and has a Masters degree in Counselling from the Adler School in Chicago, a B.A. (Honours) from York University and a B.Sc. in Business from the University of Phoenix.

Credentials include being a published author and several guest appearances on television and radio as an expert therapist including That Channel’s ‘Extraordinary Women TV’, the W Network’s ‘Style by Jury’ and Gail Vaz-Oxlade’s (of ‘Til Debt Do Us Part) show, ‘Princess’. http://www.susanblackburn.com/