Many of the clients I work with have experienced a significant loss of some kind. Sometimes it can be a loss of something, such as a job or disability that prevents them from realistically obtaining some important goal or dream. However, the majority have lost an important loved one in their lives.
Death is hard because it is so final.
It really forces us to face our ultimate sense of vulnerability as human beings when the universe takes a person from us. Often people do not know what to do or what to say, and the individual left grieving can feel completely alone in their experience.
Here are some ways you can help yourself while you are grieving:
- Be gentle on yourself. Whatever you are doing to get through is okay. Often folks feel that they should be at different points measured by the time that has past, and that is not necessarily the case. Deal with it however you like, and remember that there is no time limit of when you should be “over it”.
- Remember your life has significantly changed. Of course how you feel will get easier over time, but your life has been forever altered, as that loved one is no longer here. There will be times when you are reminded of them intensely and it will be hard.
- Feel your feelings around it. Often there is a move to try to not feel the grief and sadness. This is the worst thing you can do. Allowing the feelings to come up and to experience them is so important for healing. It also tells your Healthy Body that you are there for yourself and want to express the sadness.
- Reach out to others for support. People will often make the mistake of thinking you want to be alone or need to be alone. That may be true at times and no one can completely understand what you are going through, but at times being alone can exacerbate the intensity of what you are going through. A friend or family member can act as a buffer to help you. Regardless of whether you talk about your grief or do something with them to take a break from the grief.
- Seek professional support. Often people think that there is no point of seeking counselling for their loss because it won’t change anything, or bring the person back. True, but professional help might be needed if you are struggling with the pain and feelings on an intense basis that is interfering in your life on both little and larger scales.