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Cheating: An equal opportunity sport

I recently came across an article on the CNN website written by Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and best-selling author. The column basically points out that female infidelity is on the rise, and that when a woman strays it is much more damaging to the relationship than when a man is unfaithful.

Why is that? Kerner reports that generally women cheat for emotional reasons, whereas men cheat for physical reasons. “Men I’ve encountered who have cheated on their wives often have no desire to leave the primary relationship.” Kerner says. But when it comes to women cheaters; “She’s already invested time trying to work it out, and she’s done. It’s too late”.

Kerner writes that the majority of unfaithful women have their own careers and are somewhat financially independent. Apparently these women are 1.5 times more likely to cheat. With more and more women in the workforce it’s no surprise that female infidelity is also on the rise according to these stats.

Kerner mentions that women are also more susceptible to “emotional infidelity”. In these cases what often starts out as a friendship slowly turns into something more.

What I found quite ridiculous was Kerners “signs that a woman could be cheating”:

  • Loss of interest in her partner’s comings and goings.
  • Dresses up for work, but doesn’t seem concerned about dressing up for her partner.
  • Shows less attention in her partner’s friends and family.
  • Spends more time at work.
  • If there are children, she makes her child’s needs a priority and her relationships needs on the backburner.

Signs of cheating? Not necessarily. To me the above may simply be some signs of a woman in a long-term relationship WITH A LIFE.

Some of these “clues” may in fact, describe you or women you know at one point or another. Does this mean you should be suspected of cheating? Of course not! Maybe you’ve just been busy at work, or are tired of hearing about your husband’s best friend’s crazy antics. Perhaps your children’s needs do take priority at this point in your life.

Relationships are complex. And I certainly don’t think a few tick marks on a checklist should be a cause for concern on their own. If you or your spouse were truly unhappy and looking outside the relationship, trivializing the issues with a short checklist seems useless.

Until next time,

Peace, love and vitamin C!


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